Many moons ago, it was a teen trauma on St Valentine's Day, that made me rethink 'Love' as I now know it!
The post-traumatic ripple of rejection in those vulnerable years made me rethink this whole romantic love thing. For decades, many fun but not necessarily fruitful connections, helped me realise that there are many ways to love.
They, the ‘psychologists’ agree with me and I'm sharing 7 ways to love as explained by the mind doctors.
Eros – for the erotic, romantic stuff: Are you in ‘TRUE LOVE’ - which should be balanced and reciprocated, or do you find yourself in ‘FISH LOVE’- led by selfish fulfilment? Now there’s a question!
for more on this Fish Love philosophy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMcHtSjtNBY.
Philia – just good friends: Philosopher Plato lent his name to ‘Platonic’ connections – uhuh!! Let’s not judge some of the most genuine connections that are out there but I do know a few Eros lovers hiding under a slinky ‘Platonic’ veil!
Storge – da familia love: When you think about parents and their young it’s that kind of fondness of the familiar and it’s ideally a balanced connection… But you know this stuff shifts…let me just say to the parents out there, 'terrible twos & teen years' and leave it at that… drop the mic!!
Agape – universal love for all, nature, God: Well some of us are just born givers, however many years of working in public service can takes its toll on you, so remember that charity begins at home! Self-love Philautia is below.
Ludus – casual, undemanding and uncomplicated: So, I see a lot of this around me and I don’t mean to sound gender biased but it is likely that this is prevalent in one gender more than another…I’m just raising the point from a point of self-experience?! Whoever you are, whatever your gender, the best way to be if you connect in this way is clear; be clear with the person you are having fun with because problems arise when your Ludus is mistaken for Eros. To all you lovers out there, check your status – ‘complicated’ says it all - translated: a situation of mistaken lover identity!!
Pragma – connections of convenience: Ok, yes maybe I can see this working quite well, the joining for a greater good beyond Eros, and possibly when you've reached a later stage in life or actually in a successful arranged marriage, joining assets can make more sense than other forms of priority. However, again it's about ensuring that both parties are happy to connect on this level.
Philautia – self-love: You know this gets a lot of bad press, often being passed off as self-fish but I am an advocate of self love. I'm not talking hubris, ie the unhealthy type of self love. You see this in someone like President Trump, there is an all about 'me' and 'god like' disillusion. No! What I'm talking about is healthy self-love, where you allow the space regularly to nurture and invest in yourself. Each time you aim to build your self-wealth by recognising your own qualities: the gifts, talents and successes, alongside those other not so cool areas that clearly need improvement. Your self-confidence gained from these times will help you raise your game! It is a balanced approach so that you benefit from a greater connection with others marked by full potential and opportunity.
For me, 'I love you' means many things. I give thanks for all that I love each morning, this inspires my action for the day (a little like a prayer). I hope you find some food for thought in the blog and I encourage you more than anything to be honest; be honest with yourself and with the person that you are with. What you are able to offer and what you expect can guide you fairly. Remember, love has many vibrations but should always come from a positive place.
Best vibes
Samantra
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